the birding frock

i’ve been thinking, and october? it hasn’t been so swell. i won’t go into specifics, but from top to bottom my work, my health and my emotional wobbliness has made it a rather less than stellar month. and as i’ve spent the brunt of this day on the sofa, teeter-tottering between laughing and crying at dvds that i’ve seen umpteen times to thwart utter boredom and teeter-tottering on my achey ankle, i may have slipped into feeling slightly sorry for myself. i’m at a turning point unsure of where to turn. i keep saying, saying, saying that i’m going to do something, do something, something that is mine, something that is more than the 9 to 5, and invariably i’ve stopped myself short everytime. the same is true of this extra padding i carry around, this is isn’t something i do to steel myself against the coming winter. i do this because i just can’t seem to get a handle on myself.

i just need a break from myself, i’m just so predictable and so very tired of the usual run around i put myself through that i just want to sleep it off, break myself away from it and start fresh. i need to be new, do something else, something other than what it is that i usually do. i need to be the opposite of myself.